This is approximately an hour to get in. the melancholy of emptiness and getting away from loved one is subsiding. I am feeling charge of hitting the monster again. This job is not my choice but my fate. I do not have control on so many things and can’t escape my bread and butter plus the expectations, otherwise am having a deep desire to settle down in Darbhanga.
You are now 2.5+ and Maryam is catching you fast. Both of you have got natural sparks of talents in early age. Your father is a theoretician and he looks the world in a different dimension. Not well digested to many and I develop critics around very easily. I can’t say how much but I miss you all and am dead within; a smile I have to sport so as to be with the people. Struggling to collate and unite the pieces of happiness in a single strand. Can we ensure end to end happiness? Of course not and how can we maximize happiness for our loved ones, if we are at a crossroad of choices? Choices to favor and being blind to one while still loving and ignoring other. This is complex and only experience teaches you the best. This phase of life is a grey part of my life where I am learning to be happy with the people who claim that they love me, however they don’t. They have used me, betrayed me and they expect an artificial treatment of hospitality. How can I make space in thin air?
Checked-in and I am in waiting lounge, luckily got a network port to be in internet. This trip from 10th Aug to 11th Sep was memorable and painful. They should have not done this. If I do not have much money and infrastructure, they should not be in abusive mode. Where did I compromise love? I will better prefer to die with my own complains rather striking any blow to hurt others. With growing age things change and responsibilities calls sacrifice. If we do not answer sacrifices we tend to be selfish. Be it love or hatred. Being selfish in love is much more dangerous. This diabetic ailment has no insulin for cure. I feel much disappointed if a senior does a bad to me, when I should cross the boundary of respect to prove the logic of right and wrong. Let’s wait for a cold bloody terminal, hope things will improve.
Luckily I have made myself myself and I carry no extra baggage of debt. Struggling, moving, uniting, failing and rising again and going on and on. What if they cheated, they challenged my integrity and let time prove my mettle.