Reflections

“God created the heavens and the Earth for a true purpose: to reward each soul according to its deeds. They will not be wronged.” — Quran 45:22
Reflections
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  • Category: Biography

    • My Suicide Note

      Posted at 12:00 am by Rashid Siddiqui, on November 13, 2012

      I committed it again, as this is not a sin to do a social suicide online,

      The fast generation, vibrating, tuning, synchronizing, connecting, disconnecting, hiding, appearing and realizing the potential of communication. Vulnerable. Vulnerable to the idea of self-realization. The capitalist essence when mixed with assets, transformed economy and produced inflation. You need it and you don’t have. Come to me, i don’t have but will let you get it. Have the burden of interest and debt. Food industry propelled by the profit graphs made it spicy, delicious and available. This resulted in obesity. Obesity generated revenue for more business and a cycle where keeping tummy fit is a challenge. No one have control to their kitchens as more saliva needs stimulate taste buds to lick more and more. From pizzas to burgers to undisciplined open food habits.

      Obesity is the key integral characteristic of this generation,

      Who is the one who don’t love himself, or the self portrayals. Kings to Nawwabs all were obsessed with the need of self appraisal. Appreciating self and expecting a reply, some wah-wah, “Yes you said right, perfect”, this is very old. All the old customs. Facebook is not new in concept. So is the Google+. They all make use of the need for socialization. To appreciate and getting appreciated. This is the world of deception and is becoming more artificial. The more you connect, more you disconnect. There are pros and cons, however my Tyre burst, since my creative instinct catches more sins than the grace. A person like me, can’t control or put heavy restrictions to the vulnerable desires. Satans are very easy with me.

      So better to avoid than to control. Cost to control is greater than to avoid. So deleted it and am feeling safe.

      Posted in Biography, Religion | 1 Comment
    • Gagga ne ra one chahiye, And the moon is the only light

      Posted at 5:56 am by Rashid Siddiqui, on September 15, 2012

      You belong to so many things and Darbhanga is the one, it belong to your father and the long history of struggle of your grandfather in getting family established. How beautiful is watching you arguing, fighting, crying and smiling. The innocence and its value. And you are all the times watching Ra-One,

      When the night has come
      When the night has come and the land is dark
      When the night has come
      When the night has come and the land is dark
      And the moon is the only light
      And the moon is the only light
      And the moon is the only light we will see
      So darlin’, darlin’

      Darling, darling stand by me
      Com’n stand by me
      Stand by me
      Darling, darling stand by me
      Com’n stand by me
      Stand by me

      Concerned about so many things, distance keeping the tides of love and rock solid thoughts making me thinking all the times about the future, keeping you on the traditions of respect and honor and equipping with all necessary educations, which may make you a man, who loves and care and do not fall in the trap of greed, materialism, hate and anger. Love is rare and difficult to maintain. It demands a character hardened with small moral values and invaluable experience gained in course of sacrificing a lot.  Thinking so much, got some kokchees for you, this is how you spell chocolates, and I love it.

      There was a Rajdoot bike your grandfather had which was taken back. And not only the bike but many things including his career had what made us to realize a lot about what to do next. I made so many things on my own, learned, earned stood against odds. Not very intelligent but memorized a lot to fill the gaps of learning patterns, racing past all the smart convent guys. Trigonometry was difficult, so was Algebra, however all was in mind, what if not understood well, hard work makes all happen.

      Darlin’ darlin’
      O rehbaran o mere rehbaran o o tujhse waasta (and the moon is the only light)
      Tu manzil hai aur tu hi uss manzil ke aagee ka rasta (when the land is dark)

      Realizing the past fuels some more energy to gain momentum. Auditing past reflects some important figure to take advantage of.

      When you go when you leave
      Then you take a little piece of me with you
      There’s a hole in my soul
      Cause you take a little piece of me with you

      These are random thoughts. The movie is good. We didn’t had the luxury of laptops. My fantasies of He-Man and Sigma serial on Sunday was always on the mercy of electicity power cuts. We in our times were ready to sacrifice happiness and were less demanding. This gave us the gift called “patience”. You may want things to happen flashing on nano-technical scales, but remember, high frequency need extra controls and if not provided may go out of control, be it a machine or your vulnerable desires. Patience is the key of so many problems. A master key, “Patience”, which can unlock any problem.

      The ideal non linear equations of advices and moral values. The non-ideal equations of real life. When you will try to solve these equations simultaneously you may not get real roots most of the times. Don’t panic, just stay with it, be patient, uncomplaining, stand on your principles. Qura’n will help if you read and remember to keep a balance between happiness and values.

      … You interuupted me, i smiled, he laptop was off again. Gagga ne ra-one chahiye, you asked to make laptop on and start Ra-One movie again.

      Posted in Biography, Darbhanga, Lucknow | 0 Comments
    • Singapore after Eid Vacations

      Posted at 10:10 pm by Rashid Siddiqui, on September 10, 2012

      This is approximately an hour to get in. the melancholy of emptiness and getting away from loved one is subsiding. I am feeling charge of hitting the monster again. This job is not my choice but my fate. I do not have control on so many things and can’t escape my bread and butter plus the expectations, otherwise am having a deep desire to settle down in Darbhanga.

      You are now 2.5+ and Maryam is catching you fast. Both of you have got natural sparks of talents in early age. Your father is a theoretician and he looks the world in a different dimension. Not well digested to many and I develop critics around very easily. I can’t say how much but I miss you all and am dead within; a smile I have to sport so as to be with the people. Struggling to collate and unite the pieces of happiness in a single strand. Can we ensure end to end happiness? Of course not and how can we maximize happiness for our loved ones, if we are at a crossroad of choices? Choices to favor and being blind to one while still loving and ignoring other. This is complex and only experience teaches you the best. This phase of life is a grey part of my life where I am learning to be happy with the people who claim that they love me, however they don’t. They have used me, betrayed me and they expect an artificial treatment of hospitality. How can I make space in thin air?

      Checked-in and I am in waiting lounge, luckily got a network port to be in internet. This trip from 10th Aug to 11th Sep was memorable and painful. They should have not done this. If I do not have much money and infrastructure, they should not be in abusive mode. Where did I compromise love? I will better prefer to die with my own complains rather striking any blow to hurt others. With growing age things change and responsibilities calls sacrifice. If we do not answer sacrifices we tend to be selfish. Be it love or hatred. Being selfish in love is much more dangerous. This diabetic ailment has no insulin for cure. I feel much disappointed if a senior does a bad to me, when I should cross the boundary of respect to prove the logic of right and wrong. Let’s wait for a cold bloody terminal, hope things will improve.

      Luckily I have made myself myself and I carry no extra baggage of debt. Struggling, moving, uniting, failing and rising again and going on and on. What if they cheated, they challenged my integrity and let time prove my mettle.

      Posted in Biography, Family, Friends | 0 Comments
    • Knowledge Respect and Hurdles

      Posted at 11:13 pm by Rashid Siddiqui, on July 15, 2012

      I am experiencing new environment,

      Year 2006: When i first met Amit Singh Gaur, he had a passing resemblance to Shahrukh Khan, and still he possess the charisma. I knew three people are joining the team today and they were Ejaz, Ramesh and Amit. I was discussing office politics with Parth in the NOC room. Initial arrogance and stupidity on immature levels always prompt me to discuss about shortcoming in others and job change. Every time i will meet a talented new face, will ask for a job change guidance. This was quite irritating. Sometimes i hate so much about some stupidity i had, that i want to completely erase all about it, however this is learning curve and i can not differentiate beyond the tangent levels. Since i was a fresher and was not getting out of the fresher mindset, was not charged to take a lead. Though my managers were expecting Parker to mature in Spiderman, i was still romancing with kids behavior. Seniors around you and helping hand are sometimes so grave that they do not let new kids to come out of their own comfort shell. When i was with the most qualified experts, i didn’t had the courage to troubleshoot alone, When i am without them i can do any damn stuff, sometimes, screening effect matters in life outside atomic scales as well.

      Some of my mates i meet nowadays are obsessed with Technical Arrogance, and some on the other side believe in the materialization of personal relationship for professional growth. They fight terribly since the vectors have a head on trajectory with 180 degrees phase shifts. Most of them are not transparent to what they think, speak and do. They are not in harmony. Their internal disharmony leads to chaotic questions and answers which they themselves do not want to answer. They discuss and seek a favorable answer from their friends. If they get an answer which supports their emotions you are good friends otherwise not. You must comply. This is ABC to the perception management and a daunting task for team leaders.

      Whenever i meet some wicked and weak person, i think what if i were him. If i had executed something like that in my life style. This keeps me being away from those vulnerabilities. I keep myself some distance apart, but this brings a vacuum which must be filled with some positive energy and i realize the value of company of good inspiring friends. Though if they were harsh or soft, this was learning and if it come at any cost it is worth.

      Anyways, back in days of 2006, i was coming downstairs after a KT session from Kalyan Sir. Amit was comfortable with IP Schema understanding, while i was smart enough to hide my doubts over IP Subnettings. I pretend, i know and people believed. I was again inspired by intelligent people and asked Rajiv, rather i complained about missing IP Subnets in the Schema, however he confidently explained why is the gap, i was stunned, how he knew, he just joined the team some days back.

      I see my past in some faces around in present. The same story with different characters. Zeal to get recognized, hatred, discussing about others and complaining attitude. This is a cyclic equations, like floating Google circles. Time bring perfection and there is something called experience, one can not materialize it before time and gain it when time has passed.

      Posted in Biography, Delhi, IBM | 0 Comments
    • In my College Days Part1

      Posted at 12:18 am by Rashid Siddiqui, on June 17, 2012

      It is hard to recall the day one of my engineering class. What i remember the day when our id photo was being taken. The class tried hard to make me laugh, but they failed. I was serious, and making me smile was much serious affair.

      Being internal to jamia was a matter of privilege. I was not a foreigner. I had the famous chicken biryani at campus canteen when i was in 11th and 12th standard. That time in year 1999-2001 going in the engineering campus was a confident affair. I felt proud and thought this place to be as granted. I knew, somehow the gut feeling, that i will someday be in the faculty.

      I was in love with physics, was dreaming IIT, but happened to be the Devdas of tragedies. My love to the subject didn’t proved me to pursue the fate with IIT. I settled in Jamia. This was somehow planned or i don’t know.

      I escaped the ragging sessions. I had a reputation of being a topper in school. Most of the internals knew me. Some guys wanted to have a ragging session, however i said a confident NO, INTERNAL and it worked. I was disappointed watching sick mentality where both seniors and juniors enjoy the stupid ragging sessions. I hold my position as against to these madness. Interaction and familiarity should come at the cost of virtues.

      I am contradicting to some of my old beliefs. Life bring changes and our thoughts are challenged. So it impacts the way we believe in things. I had some of the setbacks in my life and the cruel tortures of poverty, instabilities and more had hardened me. This was hard for me to smile, laugh and play with my classmates. They were still kids playing and enjoying. I was like a 40+ trapped inside. My sense of friendship, fun, entertainment, study and interaction were not compatible with the most.

      There was a sense of superiority and inferiority complex in me at the same time. I had my own pace of studying. I never had the fast food sessions of classes and exams. This developed a critic inside me. I didn’t liked teachers doing a copy and paste work on blackboard. Ego and prejudice. I was not experiencing engineering rather a race to get ahead. To keep teachers happy and score more. Somehow i drifted big time. The vacuum was created in me, which developed two simultaneous forces. Sometimes i feel confident good and worth, on the same time somewhat inferior, unstable, insecure. And then i started hating the teachers and worked my own way.

      My friend Zahoor was not with me. I knew Mozahir. Mozahir was my lab mate in school science labs. In class 12th i was reckless and developed a good bonding with Mozahir. The common interest were ofcourse movies and computers. I loved doing windows installation and troubleshooting drivers issue. How insane? So in engineering class as well we started playing together. There was a force in me to show off and outshine, like i wanted to score more, but was not habitual to so fast pace memorization, quick prompt, and metropolitan culture of teacher student relationship. I was slow and firm, and scored less.

      I had a bicycle since my school in Jamia. Shakeel bhai used to have the one in AMU and so i wanted to have. When i topped in 11th class i asked Abbu and he didn’t resisted. I got the cycle. I go the engineering class with my cycle. This was quite satisfying having Aaloo patties in faculty canteen. Missing first class and then roaming around mostly. My coaching business was in peak. I had become a famous Physics tutor in locality. My confidence come from my ability to materialize my knowledge. This made me to hate copy cat teachers in faculty more. At the end this was all about just score to pass, no matter how much i get.

      So, first two years were without knowing how to operate a mobile phone, i was doing electronics and communication engineering. I got my first mobile phone in June 2003, this was Nokia 3315. This was for 4000 INR. I was very happy. I got a hutch connection and there was an offer, 198 rs talktime in 200 rs. I called home talked Abbujaan and played snake endless time. When i went home in Eid, people were mesmerized in sleeper calss watching me playing mobile snake game. Those days mobile phone for middle class in Bihar was a luxury.

      So back in class there were different groups. Intelligent, Studious, Mediocre, Backbenchers, Famous, Heroes, Villians, forgottens etc. I do not know where did i belonged? I was least interested in class. Slowly i lost my passion in being a performer and focused on my teaching skills. Established my coaching well, earned appreciable money and didn’t managed it. I spent all. I was not saving oriented then. In class i was making a self competition with some bright guys just to prove my knowledge or getting ahead of them, but this was not my piece of cake, i was not up to. I always failed to perform in academics.

      There were some subjects where i excelled and loved to study. Engineering physics, thermodynamics, EMFT, communication and digital circuits theory. Mostly since their nature was more physics oriented and i got good teachers who explained the subject well. I was always in the search of finding patterns, methods, and formulating procedures to solve problems. Subjects where i fail to establish a structured way to solve problems, was where i never performed, like microelectronics and analog circuits.

      Posted in Biography, Jamia Millia Islamia | 0 Comments
    • Friend’s ship

      Posted at 10:36 pm by Rashid Siddiqui, on April 2, 2012

      Saturday, February 25, 2012

      I do not have a sound relationship with most …

      Though i know, i am not wrong, i pretend to be, just to keep my surroundings, not to feel that they are hurt.They are friend. Are they friend? With the kind of expectations, and buzzing blinkers, big bumpers and they don’t miss a chance. They don’t miss a chance to let you feel, that they are so special to you. That how dare you failed to keep yourself up to their expectations?Now in this age, there are people with a common set, but there is definitive age gap. Those who are at shore to shore, though they expect friendship, tenderness, intimacy but also there is that “I” factor. How come this happened at that time, so he is junior and if i am senior.We do not define sharp bounds but we expect sharp boundaries. Bonds vs boundaries. I am happy. You are happy. Are we happy? This is your fault, not mine. You must understand. How come you did it? How you think like that?Is this a friendship, or a friend’s ship? Better be enemy with defined points, than to be friend, undefined, not clear and demanding.

      Live your life, happy, enjoy and do not interrupt.

      We talk big things. Our words are endless. We hide our greed in the dark blankets. We call it whatever. I want to do this and that. Achieve the Everest. And I have a story. Experiences to share. Pain you can’t feel. Wound you can’t heal. I am way ahead of you. And you don’t know much. You must comply to all. I am your friend, not a stranger at all.

      Our actions comes from our thoughts. Germinated since long. The pattern we develop. Out of culture relations and bonds. And we impose the self-made rules. To defy our self and greed. Either we love and wanted to be loved. At the cost of my happiness I want to see all. I am not happy and they are. What type of people. Selfish, greedy and bizarre.

      Since I do calculations and am way beyond decimals. Do not want to be on receiving side. I fear if they dare, to peep into and prove again that I am wrong.

      This do not mean that if I do make things accountable, I am not good. This is the way I do. I want and mean crystal terms. Not the burden of expectations. This have killed and killing. Families, Friends and Nations.

      Understanding Not Expectations. Sacrifice not the Fight. Forgive not to Seek. Selfless somewhat more or less. Being cheated, exposed and vulnerable. Something to say that, Yes, I care and do not expect a return.

      Posted in Australia, Biography, Friends | 0 Comments
    • A Sincere Acknowledgement Vs Exaggerated Appreciation

      Posted at 10:33 pm by Rashid Siddiqui, on April 2, 2012

      Monday, January 16, 2012

      A company belongs to managers, that is what i learned so far…

      People from different background. Their mindsets were not or i will say never matured with the thoughts of mathematics, fantasies of physics or the process of engineering. For most of them, this was just a process to get a degree and get a job.

      Over the times i worked with different people. For me, being vulnerable to seniority, i loose most of the times the opportunity to prove a point. As i think if i am trying to be over smart or what? What if seniors will feel offensive? So people thought that “he do not know”, but i knew; however the upbringing lessons kept me at shore, not to intervene.

      While in Srilanka and in most other places, i was a victim of my own quality. Be it a quality or weakness, for me it is still a puzzle. Your strongest quality is the weakest link sometimes. So if someone scolded me for some reason, i didn’t argued over. They thought me being gentle, since i satisfied their ego. I saw people with their strange, wicked desires, teaching me “how to work?”. People like these are full of anger, prejudice and hate. Easily recognized, since they speak filthy language in informal chat, we call desi language. It is too old to coin it gaali.

      They think that “I should know”. Well Right.

      And if they get an opportunity, they don’t miss. Never. Since you are not up to, not right, i am better than you. Better learn a lesson. “I am your God”.

      There was a contempt. To over judge, and under judge. You see that guy. He come office and go home in time. We are working day and night. He is not sincere. How can he leave office if we are working? I mean how slaves dare to stand and walk out if me “The God” is here. He do not deserve to be.

      Crazy, Isn’t it?

      Do i need a pointer? oh let it be. There were good and bad people around. Why to take a risk in loosing a relation? I am not here on a prophetic path. Let them burn in their own fire.

      Why don’t you just Live. I remembered the Indian Truck back sign board “Jiyo Aur Jine Do”, “Blow Horn”, “Jagah Milne Per Paas Denge”,

      And most of them think themselves to be manager. As a badge. A medal of honor. Prepared by themselves. Self signed. Oh Ya. Yes. I am in position.

      There are two approaches always, out of many, at a single point to choose. Either you live on top of “System’s Vulnerabilities” or you Strive on “pieces of perfection”. It’s your approach, which defines you, irrespective of your success or failure.

      Woohoooooo, Appreciation. Is it exaggerated or a sincere acknowledgement? Let me check the source, i mean for me, there are differences.

      Posted in Australia, Biography, General IT | 0 Comments
    • Leaders vs Dealers

      Posted at 10:31 pm by Rashid Siddiqui, on April 2, 2012

      Wednesday, December 21, 2011

      You blame your managers for n number of reasons. The obvious first cause is that he is a source to work and we in general do not want to work. Is it true?

      May be at some stage of life, but not for those who are skilled professionals. I have at least six years of experience and worked with 10 managers at least. Each of them is unique in their way of work and demand. The best of them were of course from … ok not to disclose and let us have it open discussion.

      I see people who do not possess leadership definition and having managerial roles. What is leadership? Is it comes the time you instruct someone to do something? Since you are at some higher state, does it mean you became leader?

      My definition of a manager is more of like a leader, who leads solution, and do not deal problems. Dealing problems and leading solutions are two different approaches to solve the same problem. When you lead a solution, doesn’t mean you have a solution, but you focus on solution and behave positively to people. When you deal problems, most of the times you create noise. Transfer management pressure on your team, leading chaos and ambiguity.

      The management and a leadership relation with the team start with “trust”. If a manager fails to create trust of him in the team, the team can never rise to win. Some people in the role of manager throw questions, and make team in puzzle. Team does not know the intention why? But it is like proving, look I am your manager and I am more knowledgeable than you. You may prove yourself smart, but this will never create a trust.

      No one likes humiliation. “No , you did this wrong”, “This is wrong”, “Why this is delayed?”, etc. etc. if your intention is that, by making a person humiliated, I will put a stamp of superiority and will prove a point to be a manager, you will create a big vacuum. If I am a skilled resource, I do work. There may be some different demands I may not be fulfilling. So you must be communicating in a good healthy way. Once a resource looses his interest, he will do what you will say. You can’t bring perfection and at a larger level innovation to work. Yeah, if you want a dry and rough repetitive task, and guarantee your stubbornness will bring value and perfection, God bless you.

      So if I will appreciate, acknowledge good work, he will demand. May be I will lose my value. Right? This thinking can’t be helped. How come he should communicate to customer? British have ruled us for some 300 years and red-tappism is in blood. Insecurity ostracizes innovation. And we Indians are cowardly insecure mostly.

      It takes courage to appreciate. Courage to learn. Courage to grow. Courage to rise and give a pat on back. Courage to inspire and make a difference.

      It takes courage to be clear. To say right. To convey the real picture. To bring the dawn of ambiguity free morning.
      It takes courage to love, learn and grow. To accept and move. To appreciate the challenges and dare to dream. It takes courage to be vulnerable. To say “let it go”. To be open and let aspirations meet success.

      It takes courage to say Hi. Say hi to the team with a healthy smile. A smile which sets the mood of team to welcome his role model. A manager who looks in your problems and makes yours. Gets the work done with a lot pressure but appreciates you and never says “you are wrong”. A manager who is always responsive to you and do not stop you communicating. A manager, whom you can trust.

      Posted in Australia, Biography, General IT | 0 Comments
    • About Interlaced bindings, bollywood, doordarshan and aakashwani

      Posted at 10:29 pm by Rashid Siddiqui, on April 2, 2012

      Tuesday, December 20, 2011

      Year 1986 – 1989; Darbhanga,

      What is so special in the charm? Where do we get it? With growing age it is worth remembering the definition of charm, which ever existed, long time back …

      In afternoon about half past one, the aakashwaani and old radio with old songs. I didn’t knew anything called TV as such. The first I saw at Tipu’s home. The famous song was “leke pehla pehla pyaar …”

      Dev sb expired recently. I do have some pastimes closely associated and it is very tough separating the intangible little thoughts of a kid interlaced with the style, charm, fantasies and many more thoughts. He was certainly one of the most admired actors by me.

      Since the time was not of exposure overdose. Things were quite disciplined. DD1 had a defined window of visual frame. Also it depended on lot many factors. Electricity availability on Sunday nights.

      Those were the days when art was not contaminated. Yes business was of course but the business was not so harsh to get clothes of actors and actress off to fuel the desires of audience well in pursuit of making extra dollars.

      I was a kid and was returning home with Abbujaan. The cycle had a front basket and I was enjoying the fast moving road past. Some veggies and a torch yellow colored. I wonder sometimes how I can memorize so much. My childhood was so multicolor. Abbu stopped at DMCH quarters. Rahman phupha jaan was a copy of Shammi Kapoor. May Allah rest him in peace; he was so humorous full of life. Cracking jokes of medical life. Patients, doctors and a lot. I was a charming kid though. They used to kiss me on my cheeks and I hate that act the most.

      A chase scene was on a small b&w tv set. This was Shammi Kapoor and a very old song. Abbujaan was talking to Rahman phupha and the tea was on to be ready. I was not getting bored as I liked movies since childhood. Maybe there could be wrong and right, but I didn’t know much. My childish fantasies had a lot of Dev Anand and Shammi sb.

      I moved, played, wondered a lot. In all the acts, the fear of homework, love of comics, teacher’s punishment and the subjugated attitude as a result of family conditions, there was always a corner that open a rear window to films, songs, our neighbors and related relations; what was in common, was the movies and actors. Heavily influenced, exposed.

      I witness the transition from an age of classics to the pre modern era, when BigB made some Shehenshah mode and a lot Mithun stuff in market. The songs on PaanWallah shops were changing the taste, the paan tested the same, however the soundboxes were tuning different rhythm.

      I saw the movie Dream girl at Naanijaan’s home. In a small celebration I was talking to a strange friend. I was talkative. This was a vibrant night. Naanijaan’s home was always special. Our Mamujaans were a great source of bonding. As usual in Indian families there is always a sense of negative heat from Naanihaal and the in laws, but I didn’t experienced much. I had a T-Shirt, the 699. I talked a lot, Captain Tara and Sigma. While discussing I found him an interesting person and we were friends in moment. I lost the friendship in brutal course of time, and even FB is helpless tracing back.

      “Gaata rahe mera dil … … Pyaar karne waale, pyaar hi karenge, jalne waale chahe jal jal marenge, …” the song has a special significance. From early childhood, I used to sing this song. An equally impact was from dream girl. Something we can’t explain as the sense of love in movies was not comprehended by childish brains. What we see on screen was a scene only, that impacted mind and got interlaced with memories, activities, life milestones. Something which defines some beautiful moments of past. The small home, hot summer noon, Sunday business with TVs. And of course black and white films at neighbor’s home since we didn’t had a 12V battery arrangement.

      Posted in Biography, Darbhanga, Friends | 0 Comments
    • An evening in Sydney, and related thoughts,

      Posted at 10:25 pm by Rashid Siddiqui, on April 2, 2012

      Sunday, October 16, 2011

      This is another fine evening in Lachlan Ave. I live here in unit 14 15.

      Evening is about to say well by and I am done with Asar Salah. Beautiful parrots with stupid sounds, at least they are better than traffic noise, but they do chirp and quake.

      How smart they are, and do they have to think as much as we do? The more we think, the more we sink. They float and have hope, enjoying the beautiful sky.

      I feel uncomfortable talking home since my parents are not in good health, I hope Allah bring peace and health to them. The melancholy inside. When I do feel the loneliness. When this journey will end? Life is on a move, and I got a glancing shot in my monotonous one dimensional life by arriving here. This is Australia and I am enjoying the work here. Though it’s tough and full of extra works.

      I had never opted voluntarily to go for Gasht after Asar Salah. “Jamaat’e Tableegh” was not welcomed and I had a natural liking to not like them. On the ground of logic, reasoning and many more. I don’t know why? However I didn’t give a second thought when they offered me to accompany them. I went with them and visited two homes. Offered them to come mosque, and this was good. If not we, who? And if this is wrong on some ground, who decides? They say La-Ilaha-IllallAh, Muhammadur-Rasoolullah and that’s enough for me to stand with them. On a certain level, humanity is a coexistence factor form me and a layer higher Tawheed and Resalat, and there is no third layer. Why do we divide and why do we fight?

      The same is when I interact with office creatures, when they say no, or make issue more complex than what it is. They fear asking questions as if this will degrade them. A fabric where insecurity drive ignorance and system become fragile. Where innovation dies choking, and suffocating way. So I raise the flag again. Let them come in hundreds and I will stand still to see what happens, as death is certain, let’s have a heroic end.

      Humne Utha Liya hai Baghawat ka phir Alam,
      Jaaoo Ye Baat Waqt Ke Sultaan Se Kaho …
      (By my friend Irfaan Waheed in 2001)

      Position comes at the cost of experience and how experience people speak filthy, dirty, obscene languages. They say it a informal way, is it so? The four word letter starting “F” and having variants in verbs bugs me as the word starting with “S” and ends at “T”.

      Again I am in a role which demand studies. Started again the world of TCP/IP exploration. Sometimes it creates an unknown passion in me. Is this way I can achieve something? There is more, much more to study and coming on the way. But let’s do first thing first.

      Now it’s dusk. I was in lawn when in SIO hostel with my table and chair out. December sunshine made HC Verma numerical more exciting to solve. As Danish was accompanying me, Shoaib bhai boosted us and we felt proud. There was a hidden hint in Bakar’s smile and Fazal was as usual in the mode of sarcasm. Evenings are the best time, we should think beyond having a cup of tea.

      Posted in Australia, Biography | 0 Comments | Tagged Australia
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